drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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