Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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