Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My balls are so social today.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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