I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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