my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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