Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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