3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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