I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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