so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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