Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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