Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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