I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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