anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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