so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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