I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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