i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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