Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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