I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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