You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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