i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
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I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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