My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize