he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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