We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize