I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
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I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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