Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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