Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize