How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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