Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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