I saw his package. It spoke to me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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