mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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