I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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