roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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