if you like me you must not know who I am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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