you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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