i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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