I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize