I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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