He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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