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It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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