can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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