Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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