If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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