He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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