I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
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He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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