I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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