This girl is more easily done than said...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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