Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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