I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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