my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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