a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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